[It's not exactly a conversation that's compatible with cuddling against Laurent's side to have either, so. After a moment of hesitation, Faolan moves to push himself to sit up again, balancing the water Laurent had fetched him on his knee as he formulates his reply. It's pretty obvious that something is troubling him, after all. But how to press the issue, when thus far he's not really gotten a straight answer from the other man before... How to press the issue without seeming ungrateful for all that Laurent has arranged for him thus far today.]

Laurent, I... You know that this is not something I can just shut off...

[Faolan shoots the younger man an expression which accurately conveys the momentary exasperation he feels at what he can only assume is Laurent being deliberately obtuse at his expense before he takes a deep breath and steadies himself to continue.]

My affections for you.

[He doesn't think he can be more direct about what he is talking about than that.]

[Faolan frowns at the suggestion. Haven't they been over this before? He wants this job, he's told Laurent as much. He'll do his best not to let it get in the way of his work, and that's the best he can promise in that regard.]

What? No. I.

[Wouldn't trust anyone else to be good enough anyway.]

No, it's. This. Today. All of it. It's been...

[He toys with the water in his hands again.] You've been affectionate with me. More so than usual. And I... I've enjoyed it. This. But is that part of your present to me, for the day? I. Need to know what this is, Laurent. I need to know...

[How much to expect from him. How much he can be allowed.]

[Faolan realizes that he's probably said the wrong thing the moment that Laurent's face shuts down as it does, but there's no going back from here. He's already started saying it, he might as well finish the thought.]

I... Are you playing it up for me today? Are you playing anything up for me today? Because you've never...

[He cuts himself off, shaking his head before continuing to say:] I just want to know. Is this only for today?

No--!! [Faolan says, quickly.]

No, that's not. I didn't mean it like that, that's not what I...

[He sits forward, setting the water on the table in front of them so he has both his hands free, running them over his face and through his hair before turning back to Laurent. This is not going the way he would have liked...]

I've... Enjoyed today. And I'd like to have more days like today to come. But I don't know if I'm allowed that. I don't know what this is between us, Laurent, beyond what I want it to be. So. I -- I need to know.

[Faolan's eyes narrow at the questions, though not out of anger but confusion. Shaking his head minutely in response to the words as he does.]

No... [He answers, softly.] No, I. I feel as though I've lived it in a dream, but I remember. I'm just. I'm not sure I understand.

[His fingers itch to reach for Laurent but he isn't certain that's wise just now, all things considered, so he laces them together in his lap instead. An effort in restraint as he forces himself to continue and ask:] I just want you to talk to me, Laurent. Please.

Yes. [Faolan insists softly, searching the younger man's face for a long moment before finally giving in and reaching for his hand.]

I need... I need to know where my boundaries lie, Laurent. I'd rather you told me yourself before I discovered them in the alternative. I need to know what this is, and. What you expect of me in turn. So that I might know whether I am meeting those expectations or not. Maybe you are a stronger man than I for it, but I cannot leave it all unsaid between us. I'll go mad. I'll drive us both mad. And I don't want that.

Please.

[Faolan's eyebrows draw together slightly at Laurent's question. Comparing lists? Of what, he wonders, though he isn't quite sure whether he wants to know or not. Not from the look on Laurent's face, at least.]

Laurent...

I'm not trying to make things difficult. But I need you to talk about this with me. I know how much is at stake, with my position, and I. Want to get this right. I want to know I'm getting this right.

[He doesn't understand why the younger man seems so put out by the idea of talking about boundaries. Releasing Laurent's hand he sits back, frowning gently at him.]

In writing...? Look, I don't. If you're being facetious then fine. I understand that it's a bit ridiculous. But this is important to me.

I've slept in your room just the once. You've spent just the one night in mine. We've only slept together that one time. We live together, but we've had boundaries. Until a week ago. I just want to know the state of them now. That's all. Alright?

[Going to need to be more specific. Faolan swears under his breath. He feels ridiculous asking these things, is Laurent doing this on purpose? To drag it all out in the open like this?

If needs must, he supposes, as he drags a hand through his hair and over his face again. Rubbing at his eyes before he speaks up again.]

Am I allowed to kiss you? When I want? Am I allowed to touch you? When I so desire? Is there any chance that you will ever --

[He swallows thickly. God, this sounds desperate.] I'm not asking for a label. I'm just asking... For something.

[The look Faolan shoots the younger man accurately expresses just what he thinks of that. Groping him in the middle of class?]

Jesus, Laurent. I do know a thing or two about discretion.

[He runs his hands over his face again and only just keeps himself from rising and pacing across the room.] When I'm on the clock, I can't let my affections for you get in the way of that. When I'm on the clock, I'm your bodyguard. I can't allow myself anything more than that. But on days like today, or while we are here, alone...? I need to know where we stand, alright? I need you to tell me what you want from me in return. Besides rid of me, should I prove to be more than you can handle.

[Yes, that probably was supposed to be a joke from Laurent. Yes, it had stung a little more than it should have nonetheless.]

[Faolan hardly feels as though he deserves it himself, on the other hand. He's been uncomfortable enough leading up to this moment, never mind sitting there watching Laurent sip his tea at him like that.]

Damn it Laurent, you know I never accused you of being so. Must you make me feel like an idiot for asking after your comfort?

And I don't.

[Faolan turns to look at Laurent as well. Searching his face for a long moment before he forces himself to add:]

So long as you wish for it in return, then there is nothing I regret.

[He sucks his lower lip between his teeth, worrying at it for a moment before forcing his gaze back to the other man.] Do you wish for it, Laurent? From me?